"This is what the LORD says to me..."

...with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the way of this people:

¹² "Do not call conspiracy
everything this people calls a conspiracy;
do not fear what they fear,
and do not dread it.

¹³ The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy,
he is the one you are to fear,
he is the one you are to dread.

Lord, please forgive me that I do not fear you enough. Instead, I fear what others fear. I fear insecurity, I fear failure in the sight of others, I fear the rejection of others, I fear not being considered "responsible", I fear so many things--but I do not fear you as I should. Please teach me to fear you.

It was great to talk with P today. He was right on--I need to learn discipline. I know that I cannot do this on my own. Please teach me discipline (I cringe as I ask you, but I know I need you to teach me). Please, please don't let me be undisciplined any longer! I want to be YOUR SERVANT! I don't want to be slave to my self anymore. I have nothing good to give myself. I want to bury myself in you, Lord.

It was also great to talk with PC today. She gave me a lot to think about. What are appropriate boundaries? Are the boundaries established by our society always good? When can they be broken? Should they be broken? How do I know what is good in your eyes and what is not? Am I too abstract sometimes? How do I become more concrete in the situations where that is needed? When does empathy become role-reversal?

Please have mercy on me, Lord. I need you more than ever.

Thank you so much for the patience you gave me today. Help me to always be that patient--or more. Lord, please forgive me for all my other sins. Please forgive me for the way that I fall to temptation, sometimes without even the faintest sign of resistance.

I am constantly astounded that you love me still, in-spite of everything--even to the point where you love me in-spite of knowing every sin that I will commit! Even to the point that you love me so much that you would sacrifice your Son, your life to save someone like me. Please teach me what that means. I don't know you as well as I want to. Sometimes, I feel like I don't understand anything at all about you. All I know is that, for some unfathomable reason, you love me--always have, and always will, and that you love everyone and everything else too.

You are truly amazing, God. Have mercy on me! Teach me your ways, Lord. Amen.
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